I remember as a teenager , I would tell myself by 25 you’ll have it all together . You’ll be married , have a nice job , would be an author , and traveling the world . In about 4 weeks I’ll be 26 years old and I’m not married , I don’t have the “dream job” and I’m not an author yet and to be honest none of those things bother me anymore . Sometimes it takes to get out of the situation to understand where you are . How blessed you are .
A year ago I was pretty down and sad about being single , I felt lonesome most of the time and I wanted a companion so bad . But now , not being in that space anymore , I see so many blessings and so much growth and love in myself and most of all my relationship with my creator has grown as well . Overtime this time with myself has allowed me to see things I love about myself and things I don’t like too much and one of those things was being happy for others while feeling sorry for me .
It wasn’t a genuine happiness I felt for others because inside I was miserable and that’s part of the reason why I got rid of my social media , it was really detrimental to my emotional heath honestly . Constantly comparing myself , or feeling bad for what I didn’t have rather than focusing on my now and my present .
Today though I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore . What is there to feel sorry about ? Because I don’t have a mate ? Or because I don’t have the job that I want ? Come to think about it none of those things make me who I am . We are shaped by God and experiences with beautiful people who love you and the God you serve.
In moments when I am alone or just thinking , certain things a month ago or a year ago that would have bothered me or stumbled doesn’t anymore. Sometimes I even cry because I’m happy I am out of situations or dealings with things that hurt me . Healing is a beautiful thing too, sometimes it hurts but I’m finally at the part where it doesn’t hurt anymore .
When you realize all the blessings and laughter in your life , you’re not only humbled but you are grateful . And sometimes I think , I need this . I need this time for me , to learn more about me , to know what I want and what goals I want to reach . To grow to change to shift . To show up for me as people say .
Now I can rejoice with others in happiness when good things , special things , blessings comes their way and also being happy wherever I am at the moment , even if it’s a crappy place lol .
I was never happy single . But I am now , and I’m grateful for this journey and time . I’m not saying everyday is a blue sky day because it’s not but there are more positives now than negatives in my life .
So to my little teenager self who thought we would have settled down , have a great job , traveled the world . We aren’t married , but we have the greatest family and friends ,don’t have the greatest job but It has its perks and pays the bills and we were finally able to get out the country for the first time . So I would say we are doing okay . More than okay .